Quotes from the book: “The Game”, by: Neil Strauss

the-gameIf you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always gotten.

Our social skills determine the course of our lives-our careers, our friends, our family, our children, our happiness- that’s a big area to neglect.

This game is not an easy one. You will be forced to confront nearly every single thing that defines you. What separates an amateur from a champion is the willingness to push through that fear and do it anyway. And that’s what most people lack: having the gut, the gut to go in and just say: I don’t care what happens.

When men are initially attracted to beauty, most women are initially attracted to status and a man of high status never apologizes of his presence.

What should be avoided at all costs, is not fear, but a fear of fear, which holds people back from taking action and participating in life to its fullest.

Women actually want sex as much as, if not more than, men, they just don’t want to be pressured, lied to, or made to feel like a slut.

It takes roughly seven hours for a woman to be comfortably led from meet to sex

They become obsessed with a girl, they’re neither dating nor sleeping it, and then start acting so needy and nervous around her that they end up driving her away. The cure for this disease is to go out and have sex with a dozen other girls, and then see if this flower is still so special.

In life people wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually what you wish for doesn’t fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get to you. This isn’t because the universe is cruel. It’s because the universe is smart. It knows we don’t appreciate things that fall into our laps.

Interrogation is not seduction, seduction is the art of setting the stage for two people to choose to reveal themselves to each other.

I teach courses in energy flow, I told them. The women oohed in unison. The word energy is the equivalent of the smell of chocolate to most women in Southern California.

Never give a woman a straight answer to a question. So if a woman asks what you do for a living, keep her guessing. Tell them you are a white slave trader or a professional hopscotch player.

I never try to defend myself or apologize for being a womanizer. Because a reputation is attractive to women.

Come and sit down, I will tell you a bedtime story. (smile and wink).

My advice on seducing women: become an expert in how to feel good.

I have a theory that most naturals, like xxx, lose their virginity at a young age and consequently never feel a sense of urgency, curiosity, and intimidation around women during their critical pubescent years.

Beauty is common. It’s something you’re born with or you pay for. What counts is what you make of yourself. What counts is a great outlook and a great personality.

I think of a woman’s interest in me as a fire, and when it starts to die out, it’s time to turn around and stoke it.

Girls don’t respect guys who buy them drinks. A true pick up artist knows never to buy meals, drinks, or gifts for a girl he hasn’t slept with. Dating is for tools. I am not really that arrogant, but in the game there are rules. And the rules must be obeyed, because they work.( take heed of what I am saying).

All the qualities women look for in guys are good things. I’ve become more confident. I started working out and eating healthier. I’m getting in touch with my emotions and learning more about spirituality. I’ve become a more fun, positive person.

It has been the role of parents and friends to reinforce the belief that we’re okay just as we’re. but it’s not enough to just be yourself. you have to be your best self.

Changing venues quickly became a key piece in the pickup game. It created a sense of distorted time: if you went to three different places with a group you’d just met, by the end of the night it felt as if you’d known each other forever.

We all just made fun of ourselves and each other. Laughter is the best seduction.

Now I understood why it had been so difficult to get rapport with her when we’d first met. She didn’t communicate with words; she communicated with feelings.

I can’t imagine ever choosing one person for life. It’s not that I’m scared of commitment; it’s that I’m scared of arguing with someone I love over whose turn it is to do the dishes, of losing the desire to have sex with the woman lying next to me every night, of taking a back seat in her heart to our children, of resenting someone for limiting my freedom to be selfish.

The enemy of the best is the good.

One of the primary rules of pickup is that a girl can fall out of love with you as quickly as she fell love with you.

We have this idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn’t like that. It’s a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases. Sometimes it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month, or a year. So, don’t fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable. But don’t be surprised when it leaves, either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it.

After we had sex, she told me, “I have mastered the art of visualization.” When I asked her to elaborate, she told me that since men are so visual, she makes sure that everything she does in bed looks hot. But when she developed feelings for me, she discovered that she was no longer able to have sex because the emotions opened wounds from childhood abuse. The visualizations ended.

I had finally internalized the idea that women don’t always want relationships. In fact, once unleashed, a woman’s physical needs are often more ravenous than a man’s. It’s just that there are certain barriers and programming walls to be overcome in order for her to feel comfortable enough to surrender to them.

The goal now is simply to arouse her without making her feel pressured, used or uneasy. You make out, you remove her shirt. She’s stopping you from going any further.—last minute resistance—anti slut defence—she doesn’t want you to think she’s easy. She asks dumb questions like how many siblings you have; you answer honestly and make her feel comfortable again.—you are hard. You are excited. You want her.—we shouldn’t be doing this—tell her that you are not upset. Tell her that when a woman says no, you respect that.

She wants to have sex, all she wants to know is that you’re going to call her afterwards, so that she feels good about what she did, even if she doesn’t actually want to see you again.

How many women you’ve been with? It is the only time you are allowed to tell lie.

Every day, we have our routines, which we rely on to make people like us or to get what we want or to make someone laugh or to endure another day without letting anyone know the nasty thoughts we’re really thinking about them.

How do you rate yourself as a kisser on a scale of one to ten?

He was the only person I could talk to who wasn’t afraid to take chances and makes changes to pursue his dreams. Everyone else I know always said “later”; he said “now,” and that was an intoxicating word to me- because later, every time I’d ever heard it, translated as never.

All human problems fall into one of three areas: health, wealth, and relationships, each of which has an inner and an outer component.

Women are constantly judging a man’s value in order to determine if it can help them with their life objectives of survival and replication.

I like to surround myself with people who are better than me because I enjoy being pushed and challenged. You, on the other hand, like to become the best person in the room by eliminating everyone who’s better than you.

Yeah, I was creating what’s called a yes-ladder, capturing her attention by asking questions that require an obvious answer.

Capture the imagination first and the heart next.


Using words like “casual” and “hang out” and the time constraint, were all part of a strategy to make the visit a low-pressure event.

Attraction is not a choice.

The Wizzard of Oz: A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.

Some people actually scared of the success they want so badly.

Sarging in Los Angeles, one develops a radar for women who are users,  The less tactful among them will ask, within the first few minutes of a conversation, what kind of car you drive or what you do for work or what celebrities in the room you’re friends with in order to determine your social ranking and how useful you might be to them. The more tactful ones don’t have to ask questions: they look at your watch; they see how people respond to you when you talk, they listen for indicators of insecurity in your speech. These are the signals that are called sub-communication.

The great lie of modern dating is that in order to sleep with a woman, a man must pretend initially as if he doesn’t want to.

In the past, I used to fall for ultimatums. But I’d since learned that ultimatums are expressions of powerlessness, empty threats designed to try to influence a situation someone has no control over.

Lisa was neg-proof. Next to her, other girls seemed like incomplete human beings. For most of their childhood, females are conditioned to act subservient to male authority figures. Once they grew up, a certain subset of them, many of whom end up in Los Angeles, move through the world psychologically stunted, constantly dumbing themselves down in the presence of the opposite sex. They believe that the techniques they used to manipulate their fathers will work just as well on the rest of the world, and often they’re right. But Lisa wasn’t a doormat designed by the expectations and desires of the men in her life. She lived the advice that most women hypothetically give to men: She wasn’t afraid to be herself….Beneath that tough exterior, she was scared. All her push-pull wasn’t a pre-planned psychological tactic, it was her heart warring with her head. Perhaps the reason she’d been so reluctant to open up was that she was protecting something fragile inside. Like me, she was afraid to actually feel something for somebody else, to love, to be vulnerable, to give someone else control over her happiness and well-being.—sex with Lisa was not entertainment or ego-gratification. It was about creating a vacuum where nothing else existed except the two of us and our passion. It made the rest of existence seem like a distraction.

People often read books to search themselves and find someone who agrees with them.

He delivered one of the many great aphorisms that he used to turn defeat into triumph. “When there’s a problem, there’s an opportunity.” There is a lesson here, and that always follow your instincts and first impressions.

If there was anything I’d learned, it’s that the man never chooses the woman. All he can do is given her an opportunity to choose him.

We were all searching outside ourselves for our missing pieces, and we were all looking in the wrong direction. Instead of finding ourselves, we’d lost the sense of self. The answer were to be found within.

Your voice is your identity, it can tell people everything about who you are, how you feel about yourself, and what you believe in.

The second step in overcoming the source of our anxiety is to bring it out of unconscious darkness and into the light or our conscious awareness.

Crippling fear of social rejection: The pain of letting yourself down is much greater than anything someone else can say. Everyone accomplished social artist I know has a ton of rejections under his belt. That’s simply the price you have to pay for excellence.

Knowledge won’t change the fundamentals of how men and women are attracted to each other. And attraction has operated on the same principles since the dawn of man.

Men are more attracted to beauty and youth, while women pay attention to wealth and status.

The male obsession with beautiful woman is not so much about form as it is about function. In almost all cultures, standards of beauty are derived from physical characteristics that indicate youth, health, and ultimately fertility.

We measure our own relative desirability from other’s reaction to us. Repeated rejection causes us to lower our sights; an unbroken string of successful seductions encourages us to aim a little higher.

Every time you don’t approach, every time you don’t try, every time you give up on something, every time you just go through the motions, every time you talk yourself out of a new or uncomfortable experience, the only person who loses is you.

When pointing out a personality flow, even if it’s accurate, present it in a reassuring way. Don’t tell her you’re really insecure. Instead say you may not be the most confident person in the room, but deep down you know your own value.

The principle of social proof explains why women are more attracted to men who are accompanied by other women than men who are alone.

The principle of majority rule: If a lot of people are doing something, others tend to believe it must be right thing to do. This is why smart kids do stupid things simply because others in their peer group are doing it, as well as, why companies pay celebrities millions of pounds to endorse a product. Furthermore, the more the people we’re observing are similar to us, the greater the influence they have over our behaviour.

Liking: The principle of liking holds that we are more inclined to agree to the requests of someone who know and like. People tend to like those who are similar to them, whether in age, education level, income, achievements, attitudes, or political views. Flattery also works, since we tend people who like us. Other factors that increase our liking include self-disclosure, frequent contact with someone; and working together toward a common goal.

Reciprocation: if people do something for us, we feel obliged to pay them back.

Authority: this principle states simply that we tend to be obedient to authority figures, even at times when their wishes make no sense or conflict with our personal beliefs. However, we are as suggestible to people who merely possess symbols of authority; whether they be uniforms, professional titles, or simply commanding speaking voices; as we are to legitimate authorities themselves.

Scarcity: people perceive things that are rare, or becoming rare, as more valuable and desirable than they would if they were readily accessible. One reason for this is because of the strong influence that fear of loss plays in people’s decision-making process.

A word of warning: These are powerful principles, and they should be used to appeal the nobler side of people, not to their weaknesses. Steer people in the direction of their own best interests, not just yours.

Having a regular party will add to your circle of friends and potential girlfriends; build your social skills; strengthen your leadership qualities; and help you develop the kind of lifestyle others want to be a part of. Everyone wants to be accepted by the in-crowd. So do them all a favour by creating an in-crowd and accepting them.

Rapport: Creating rapport is the process of developing a connection with someone based on trust, comfort, commonalities, and affinity. Rapport is the point in the interaction when she sees those little parts of you that you try to hide sometimes; your inner nerd, your goofy side, and finds them endearing. It’s the moment she shares her innermost thoughts, experiences, and feelings, and you understand them, perhaps better than anyone else she’s ever met. It’s when you find yourselves laughing in unison or starting to say the same thing at the same time.

People also bond naturally with credible leaders who possess such qualities as confidence, authority, authenticity, security, self-assuredness, courtesy, and honesty. Staying grounded in these qualities will prevent you from succumbing to the risk of seeking rapport; such as supplication, losing your frame, falling into the friend zone, or becoming her therapist instead of her lover.

Visual people tend to use words like focus, bright, see, and show when discussing their thoughts and desires. People who live in their feelings use words like touch, feel aware and sense. Audiophiles prefer descriptors like ring, sounds, and click. Listen closely to her speech patterns, pick up on which sense words she uses, and then sprinkle them into your own conversation. If you notice that she uses a few specific words frequently or that certain words seem to have a specific meaning to her, consider them hot-button words and mentally store them for future use. You can also match your language to her work jargon, regional expressions, and any words that define her as a member of particular subculture.

So if you don’t love, value, appreciate the guy looking back at you in the mirror, then it’s time to change your lenses.

Topics women seem to enjoy discussing most are: relationships, spirituality and animals.

The more you try to repress the dark side, the stronger it gets, until it finds its own way to the surface.

A lot of people try to repress the parts of themselves they don’t like. But that never works. When you try to repress something, you’re basically pushing it down on a spring. Eventually, it’s going to release full force and take over your personality.

neil straussPeacocking: the idea is that, just as the peacock spreads its colourful plumage in order to attract the female of the species, so too, must a man stand out in order to attract the opposite sex. Though I was initially skeptical, once I began experimenting with these items, as obnoxious and uncool as they seemed, the results were immediate. Peacocking is the rule of standing out rather than fitting in, of embodying a more exciting lifestyle instead of the one people are used to.

I was a man, moving toward pleasure, and she was a woman, moving away from pain. The same fear men have of approaching women, most women have of going past the point of sexual no return with men. And this is not just because of the biological repercussions; pregnancy, labour, childbirth, nursing; but because most women have at some point been hurt by a man. So, before they risk giving themselves over to powerful emotions they have little control over, they want to make sure they’re with someone who is being honest with them, respects them, and can reciprocate what they have to give; whether for a night or a lifetime. What many women secretly want is to throw themselves into the fire when they feel love without getting burned, scarred or hurt. However, until scientists invent an emotional condom, it is typically the role of the man to reassure her before, during, and after that she’s making the right choice. Not with logic, but with feeling.

The problem with perfect love is that sometimes it’s inconvenient.